May 17, 2010

Letting go

Posted in Spirit at 2:46 AM by moxiemuse

My new desktop wallpaper 🙂

I’ve been working on an instructional video for work on/off for about a month now. It was not something I absolutely promised the Marketing team I would do yet when they came calling after the successful reaction to my first one, I thought it wouldn’t be too big a deal to do another one. Why I thought it wouldn’t be, I don’t know but that was then. Turns out, it has been a struggle from the beginning. One thing after another to block the project from getting off the ground. That’s when the resistance set in. The drudgery. The resentment. The length of time it took to get started and all the things leading up to it just added to my frustration and procrastination. The anxiety built up from the pressure of letting someone down.

Today, just when I thought I might be on the home stretch, the program I use to create the videos just stops working. At first, I’m convinced I can get it to work. As time passes and my problem-solving tips aren’t helping, I am, once again, incredulous that I’ve reached yet another stumbling block.

And then, I stopped.

I realized I’m going against the flow. I’m not listening to what’s really happening here.

Then I asked myself, “What are the consequences of not following through?”

Not much.

So why struggle?

I let it go and found that spot of bliss in me that I go to when I need to realign my attitude.

I decided to find some inspiration and ease myself gently and kindly out of my perceived mess.

Here’s what I found:

“…and what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
…and when it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement.
…Instructions for living life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”                        ~ Mary Oliver

“Whatever happens. Whatever
what is is is what
I want. Only that. But that.”                  ~ Galway Kinnell